Wondering what the worst thing to do to someone with PTSD is? It’s more common than you think.
When supporting someone with PTSD, even well-meaning actions can backfire. The worst thing to do to someone with PTSD isn’t always obvious, and sometimes what feels helpful may actually be triggering.
Worst Things To Do To Someone With PTSD
When interacting with someone who has PTSD, knowing what to avoid is crucial. Every response can either support their recovery or worsen their trauma.
1. Forcing them to talk about their trauma
Forcing someone to relive traumatic memories can trigger flashbacks, emotional distress, and even retraumatize them. It’s essential to allow them to decide when and how much they want to share.
2. Invalidating their feelings
Dismissing their emotions with statements like “It’s not that bad” or “Just move on” invalidates their experience, making them feel misunderstood and isolated. People with PTSD need validation and support, not minimization of their struggles.
3. Telling them to “just get over it”
PTSD is a complex mental health condition that can’t be “gotten over” through willpower alone. Recovery takes time, therapy, and sometimes medication.
Telling them to “move on” ignores the reality of their condition and can worsen feelings of hopelessness.
4. Surprising them with unexpected touches or loud noises
Individuals with PTSD can have heightened startle responses or experience flashbacks triggered by sensory stimuli like sudden noises or unexpected touch. These triggers can cause panic, anxiety, or even aggression in some cases.
5. Pushing them into crowded or chaotic environments
Many people with PTSD experience hypervigilance and anxiety in crowded or chaotic settings. Forcing them into such environments can overwhelm their senses, triggering feelings of fear or panic.
6. Making assumptions about their trauma
Assuming you understand the specifics of their trauma or generalizing their experience can be invalidating. Trauma is highly individualized, and making assumptions can create distance instead of fostering understanding.
7. Downplaying their need for professional help
Suggesting that they don’t need therapy or medical treatment undermines the seriousness of PTSD. Mental health professionals are trained to help individuals process trauma and manage their symptoms.
8. Being impatient with their healing process
Healing from PTSD is a long, often non-linear process. Impatience can increase their stress levels and damage the trust they may be building in the relationship. Respect their pace of recovery.
9. Mocking or using guilt to manipulate them
Guilt and shame are common feelings in PTSD sufferers, and using these emotions to manipulate or mock them can worsen their symptoms, deepen emotional wounds, and damage your relationship with them.
10. Trying to “fix” them yourself
While support is important, PTSD is a medical condition requiring professional treatment. Trying to “fix” them without professional expertise can inadvertently harm them and lead to frustration for both parties.
How to Support Someone With PTSD?
1. Create a Safe Environment
Safety is the foundation for anyone recovering from trauma. Ensure their physical and emotional environment feels secure, predictable, and free from unexpected disruptions.
How to do it: Maintain consistency in your interactions and surroundings. Avoid sudden loud noises, surprises, or unexpected visitors that might trigger their anxiety. Let them know they are in control of the situation and can step away when needed.
2. Listen Without Judgment
Why this helps: Sometimes, the most valuable thing you can do is listen. Listening without offering solutions or interrupting allows them to feel validated.
How to do it: Be fully present in the conversation. Don’t interrupt or offer immediate advice. Ask open-ended questions like, “How are you feeling today?” but avoid pressing for details about their trauma unless they willingly share.
3. Respect Their Boundaries
Trauma survivors often struggle with feeling that their boundaries have been violated.
How to do it: Ask for permission before offering physical comfort like hugs. Respect their need for space, and don’t push them to engage in activities they’re uncomfortable with. If they need time alone, respect that without making them feel guilty.
4. Encourage Professional Help
PTSD is a medical condition that requires professional treatment. Therapies such as EMDR and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) have shown significant success in helping trauma survivors process and heal.
How to do it: Gently suggest therapy options if they haven’t sought professional help. Offer to help them find a therapist who specializes in trauma, but never force the issue. Let them make the decision in their own time.
5. Be Patient with Their Healing Process
Healing from PTSD is non-linear and can take a long time. Rushing the process can cause setbacks and frustration.
How to do it: Acknowledge that there will be good and bad days. Offer consistent support without expecting immediate improvements. Be patient if they cancel plans or seem withdrawn—it’s part of their journey.
6. Offer Practical Support
Sometimes the daily demands of life can feel overwhelming for someone with PTSD.
How to do it: Offer to help with everyday tasks, like grocery shopping or running errands. You can even suggest accompanying them to appointments if they feel anxious going alone.
7. Educate Yourself About PTSD
Understanding PTSD better will help you provide informed and thoughtful support.
How to do it: Read books, research articles, or watch videos on PTSD from reputable sources. This will not only help you understand their triggers but also allow you to navigate conversations and interactions more carefully.
8. Encourage Healthy Coping Mechanisms
People with PTSD often turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms like substance abuse to manage their pain. Encouraging healthier alternatives like exercise, mindfulness, or creative outlets can promote healing.
How to do it: Suggest activities that help reduce anxiety, like yoga, meditation, or journaling. Avoid being forceful—simply offer these as tools they can try when they’re ready.
9. Recognize Their Triggers
Triggers are specific stimuli that can cause flashbacks or anxiety. Recognizing what these triggers are can help you create a more comfortable environment for them.
How to do it: If they’ve shared their triggers, be mindful of avoiding those stimuli. For instance, if loud noises or certain smells trigger them, do your best to minimize these in their environment.
10. Support Their Autonomy
Trauma survivors often feel a lack of control over their lives. Supporting their autonomy restores their sense of self-empowerment.
How to do it: Encourage them to make decisions about their treatment, social life, or boundaries. Avoid being overly protective, as this can undermine their autonomy.
11. Avoid Toxic Positivity
While optimism can be helpful, overloading someone with phrases like “Just think positive” or “Everything happens for a reason” can invalidate their experience.
How to do it: Acknowledge their pain without trying to push a silver lining. Sometimes the best response is simply, “I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’m here for you.”
12. Offer Reassurance Without Pressure
Offering gentle reassurance can make them feel supported without pressuring them into immediate recovery.
How to do it: Reassure them that they’re allowed to take their time in healing. Let them know they are safe with you and that you’re not expecting perfection.
Always think about the worst things to do to someone with PTSD before you approach them, in order to ensure you respect their boundaries, and avoid behaviors that could lead to further harm.
