Discover the unsettling reality behind the weird things narcissists do sexually and their manipulation in the bedroom.
Sexual relationships with a narcissist can feel confusing, draining, and even damaging, leaving you wondering what went wrong. If you’ve found yourself asking why the dynamics feel off, it’s crucial to recognize the weird things narcissists do sexually. These behaviors go beyond the usual red flags and reveal deeper, more insidious patterns of control and manipulation.
Weird Things Narcissists Do Sexually
Narcissists often engage in unusual and unsettling sexual behaviors that are designed to satisfy their own ego, control, or manipulate their partners. These behaviors can be confusing and damaging to their partners.
1. Mirroring Desires
Narcissists often start by mimicking your sexual desires to make you feel understood and valued. However, this is usually just a strategy to gain your trust and control.
Once they have established control, they might completely disregard your preferences, leaving you confused and manipulated.
Example: In the beginning, they may mirror your sexual interests and act like they share the same fantasies. Over time, however, they shift to only fulfilling their own desires, ignoring what once mattered to you.
2. Sex as a Power Play
A narcissist uses sex to assert dominance and control over their partner. Rather than being an act of mutual pleasure, they treat sex as a way to prove their superiority and make their partner feel powerless.
Example: They may insist on certain sexual acts that make you uncomfortable, knowing that this discomfort reinforces their power. This could include demanding control over when and how sexual encounters happen, ignoring your boundaries, and making it clear that their pleasure is the priority.
3. Withholding Sex
Another strange behavior narcissists engage in is withholding sex as a form of punishment. When they feel slighted or want to manipulate you emotionally, they may stop being intimate, using this deprivation to control your emotions and actions.
Example: If you don’t meet their demands in other areas of the relationship, they might withhold sex for days or even weeks to punish you, making you feel unworthy or insecure about the relationship.
4. Sexual Triangulation
Narcissists often bring a third party into the mix, either by flirting with others openly or creating jealousy to maintain control. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy, insecurity, and competition in their partner.
Example: They might constantly talk about other people they find attractive or even imply that they could leave you for someone else, pushing you to feel that you must compete for their affection.
5. Sexual Fantasies Focused on Themselves
Narcissists are often obsessed with their own image and may engage in sexual fantasies where they are the center of attention. This could include insisting on certain acts that boost their own ego, such as requesting constant praise during sex or wanting to be admired in specific ways.
Example: They may ask you to tell them how attractive they are during sex or insist on only positions where they feel most admired, turning what should be a mutual experience into one centered entirely around their self-image.
6. Degrading or Humiliating Acts
In some cases, narcissists might engage in sexual acts designed to humiliate or degrade their partner. This can be another way for them to assert control and superiority, often leaving their partner feeling used or violated.
Example: They may insist on acts that are emotionally or physically degrading, knowing that it diminishes your self-esteem and increases their dominance in the relationship.
7. Constant Need for Validation
Narcissists often seek constant validation and attention during sex. They may require you to compliment them excessively or express how much pleasure they are giving you, even when the encounter feels entirely one-sided.
Example: They might repeatedly ask you to tell them how amazing they are in bed, regardless of how you actually feel, turning the entire experience into a performance for their ego.
How to Protect Yourself?
1. Set Clear Boundaries
Imagine you’re in a relationship where your partner constantly pushes you to do things you’re uncomfortable with. It could be ignoring your needs or making you feel guilty when you don’t meet their demands.
For example, they might insist on intimacy when you’re not feeling up to it, or pressure you into situations that violate your boundaries.
In these moments, it’s crucial to say no firmly and consistently. When they test your limits, stand your ground without explaining or apologizing.
If they push harder, you calmly reinforce your stance. Over time, you’ll notice that by not giving in, they begin to lose the control they once had.
2. Detach Emotionally
You might be stuck in a cycle where your partner uses sex or emotional manipulation to get a reaction out of you.
For instance, they might shower you with affection, only to pull it away to make you feel insecure. Instead of reacting to their tactics, start recognizing that this is part of their playbook. When they try to provoke you, respond neutrally.
For example, when they throw accusations or create drama, remind yourself that their behavior reflects their own insecurities, not your worth. Detaching emotionally doesn’t mean shutting down your feelings—it means preserving your energy and refusing to be manipulated.
3. Seek Professional Help
Consider a scenario where the manipulation has become so ingrained that you feel trapped and confused. You might have spent so much time doubting your perceptions that you can’t tell what’s real anymore. Seeking therapy can provide you with an objective perspective and tools to break free.
For example, through counseling, you might recognize how deeply ingrained the manipulation has become, and learn strategies to rebuild your self-esteem. You’re no longer alone in the fight to regain control—working with a therapist who specializes in narcissistic abuse can give you the clarity and strength to make lasting changes.
4. Prioritize Your Mental Health
In your daily life, prioritizing your mental health might look like carving out time for activities that bring you joy and peace, separate from the relationship.
For instance, you could set aside moments to meditate, take walks, or engage in hobbies that help you reconnect with yourself. If the narcissist tries to sabotage these moments, stand firm.
Surround yourself with supportive people who lift you up, not drain your energy. Prioritizing your mental health also means recognizing the signs of burnout and stepping back before it takes a toll. Remember, your well-being is non-negotiable.
By understanding weird things narcissists do sexually and its psychological effects, you arm yourself with the knowledge to take control of your own well-being.
