Spiritual bypassing might seem like the easy way out, but is it really worth it?
Spiritual bypassing is more common than most people realize, a hidden habit that sneaks in when you turn to spirituality to escape uncomfortable emotions. Think of it as a comforting detour—easy, perhaps, but it leads you further from true healing.
What is Spiritual Bypassing?
Spiritual bypassing is a psychological defense mechanism where individuals use spirituality to avoid confronting uncomfortable emotional issues or unresolved traumas.
First coined by psychologist John Welwood, spiritual bypassing describes how people unconsciously sidestep their emotions, using spiritual practices or beliefs as a way to gloss over painful truths.
This isn’t about rejecting spirituality itself but rather recognizing when it’s used to escape life’s complexities, especially those that require introspection and vulnerability.
Instead of fostering true growth, spiritual bypassing leads people to deny their deeper emotions, often resulting in unresolved issues that linger beneath the surface.
Why People Turn to Spiritual Bypassing?
1. Avoidance of Painful Emotions
One major reason people resort to spiritual bypassing is the desire to avoid pain. Confronting uncomfortable emotions—like fear, shame, or anger—feels overwhelming, and spiritual ideas often seem like a comforting escape.
Renowned psychologist Carl Jung noted, “What you resist, persists.” Avoiding these emotions does not make them disappear. Instead, they remain in your psyche, influencing behaviors and beliefs in subtle but powerful ways.
2. Pressure to Be ‘Good’ or ‘Spiritual’
Society often places a high value on positivity and kindness, especially in spiritual circles. People may believe that expressing anger or frustration contradicts spiritual ideals, leading them to suppress these emotions.
The desire to maintain an image of ‘being good’ or ‘spiritually advanced’ can sometimes drive people to ignore what they’re genuinely feeling, bypassing their real issues with a mask of positivity.
Dr. Robert Masters, a well-known expert in trauma healing, explains that this is not true growth, describing spiritual bypassing as “a way of escaping the rawness of your reality” rather than embracing it.
3. Fear of Vulnerability
Vulnerability is essential for emotional healing, yet many struggle with it. Facing trauma, accepting imperfections, or addressing deep-seated beliefs requires a level of openness that can feel terrifying.
Bypassing this vulnerability with spiritual beliefs provides a protective shield, but it also distances you from authentic self-discovery.
Without engaging with vulnerability, true healing remains out of reach, and the emotions suppressed only intensify over time.
4. Lack of Guidance in Processing Emotions
For some, spiritual bypassing happens due to a lack of understanding or support in managing emotions. If someone hasn’t been taught to handle their emotions effectively, it’s natural for them to turn to spirituality as a quick fix.
Without tools to confront their inner struggles, people find it easier to channel their energy into spiritual practices, assuming they’re healing without actually addressing the root of their issues.
5. Social Validation
In spiritual communities, people may feel pressured to display enlightenment, often mistaking appearances for inner transformation. As a result, they prioritize maintaining a ‘spiritual’ image over dealing with their emotions.
This pressure can push individuals further into bypassing practices, as they fear being seen as less spiritually advanced if they admit to struggling. This need for validation becomes a trap, keeping them from authentic self-reflection.
How Spiritual Bypassing Hinders Emotional Wellbeing?
1. Deepens Emotional Disconnect
By avoiding core emotions, spiritual bypassing fosters a disconnect from one’s true self.
Dr. John Welwood explained that “our inner struggles are integral to growth.” Ignoring these struggles denies you the chance to understand yourself fully, leaving parts of your psyche neglected and disconnected.
Over time, this detachment leads to a lack of emotional resilience, making it harder to navigate challenges and build genuine connections.
2. Stalls Personal Growth
Spiritual bypassing keeps you stuck in a loop of unresolved trauma. Instead of moving forward, you remain trapped in old patterns, with emotions you’ve ignored manifesting in your relationships, health, and overall life satisfaction.
Ignoring your emotional reality undermines personal growth, making it challenging to establish meaningful relationships or create lasting changes in your life.
3. Creates a Fragile Sense of Self
By using spirituality as a cover for unresolved issues, you build a sense of self that relies on external validation or a forced sense of positivity. While this may appear stable, it’s incredibly fragile.
Psychologist and trauma specialist Dr. Gabor Maté has spoken on this, explaining that “what is not truly confronted cannot be healed.” The instability of a bypassed self often results in low resilience and an inability to cope effectively with life’s uncertainties.
4. Leads to Emotional Outbursts or Suppression
The emotions you bypass don’t simply disappear—they wait in your subconscious, building up until they burst forth.
People who engage in spiritual bypassing often experience sudden emotional breakdowns or irrational anger, as these suppressed emotions finally demand to be felt.
This can harm relationships, erode self-esteem, and leave individuals feeling even more isolated. It’s as if you’re carrying around a balloon that fills with air each time you avoid confronting something uncomfortable; eventually, it bursts.
5. Promotes Toxic Positivity
Toxic positivity arises when spiritual bypassing encourages the belief that only ‘positive vibes’ are acceptable. This attitude ignores the importance of anger, sadness, and fear—emotions that serve as important signals for self-awareness and growth.
Emotions like anger, for instance, highlight where boundaries need to be set, while sadness can be a powerful teacher in understanding one’s values and desires.
By only focusing on positivity, you deny the insights and healing that negative emotions offer, resulting in a narrow and unrealistic view of life.
6. Blocks True Healing
Healing requires a raw, honest look at what’s inside, yet spiritual bypassing blocks this process. Dr. Masters aptly described bypassing as “living in a lie” where people avoid their truths to feel safe.
Healing demands that you embrace your pain, face your fears, and understand your trauma. By engaging in spiritual bypassing, you prevent this level of healing, instead fostering a reality built on denial and avoidance.
7. Limits the Depth of Spiritual Practice
Genuine spirituality involves embracing all aspects of the self—the light and the dark. By ignoring the difficult parts, spiritual bypassing turns spirituality into a hollow shell rather than a transformative experience.
Authentic spiritual growth comes from confronting every aspect of your being, not just the parts that feel pleasant. Spirituality becomes meaningful when it’s rooted in truth and vulnerability, allowing you to connect with yourself and others on a profound level.
Identifying Spiritual Bypassing in Day-to-Day Life
Understanding when you might be bypassing is crucial to breaking free from this cycle. It’s essential to ask yourself questions like:
- Are you constantly seeking ‘good vibes only’ or avoiding people who challenge your beliefs?
- Do you quickly jump to ‘letting go’ of hurtful situations without understanding their impact?
- Are you using meditation or mindfulness as a way to escape feelings rather than confront them?
For instance, if you find yourself brushing off negative emotions with statements like “Everything happens for a reason,” pause to consider whether you’re genuinely accepting your situation or just avoiding it.
Genuine healing happens when you fully acknowledge and work through the reality of what you’re experiencing.
Breaking Free from Spiritual Bypassing
1. Embrace Vulnerability
Real growth requires you to face vulnerability without spiritual filters. Dr. Brené Brown, a leading expert on vulnerability and shame, states, “Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity, and change.”
By embracing your fears and insecurities, you open the door to real healing and transformation. Allow yourself to feel, even when it’s painful. This raw honesty is where true spiritual evolution begins.
2. Find Healthy Outlets for Emotions
Spirituality can be a source of strength, but you also need direct ways to process emotions. Whether through journaling, therapy, or even conversations with trusted friends, expressing your feelings in a genuine way allows you to understand and release them.
Emotions are not ‘bad’ or ‘good’—they’re simply reflections of your experiences and guides for personal growth.
3. Seek Grounded Guidance
Work with spiritual mentors or therapists who emphasize grounded practices. Rather than promoting constant positivity, these guides will help you confront and process your emotional landscape.
A good mentor encourages you to dig into your emotions, offering support without invalidating your experiences.
4. Balance Spirituality with Reality
Healthy spirituality doesn’t shy away from reality—it embraces it fully. Recognize that your journey is about growth, which involves the entire spectrum of human emotions and experiences.
Embrace spirituality as a tool for understanding, not as a way to sidestep difficult truths. Dr. Masters explains that “grounded spirituality integrates everything,” helping you balance the highs of spiritual experiences with the necessary work of emotional healing.
5. Develop Self-Compassion
It’s essential to replace avoidance with self-compassion. You’re human, which means you will face difficulties, pain, and setbacks. Instead of glossing over these experiences, treat yourself with empathy.
Self-compassion allows you to experience your full humanity, giving you the strength to face emotions without judgment.
Spiritual bypassing might feel comforting in the short term, but true growth requires honesty, vulnerability, and a willingness to confront every part of yourself.
Real healing doesn’t happen when you avoid emotions; it happens when you face them with courage and self-compassion.
