Some people cheat once. Others make a habit of it. The signs of a serial cheater aren’t always obvious at first, but the patterns never lie.
Infidelity is one of the most painful betrayals in a relationship. While some people cheat once due to circumstances, others cheat repeatedly because it’s deeply embedded in their behavior. These individuals are called serial cheaters—those who have a pattern of dishonesty, manipulation, and deceit when it comes to relationships. Understanding the signs of a serial cheater is crucial, whether you suspect your partner or want to avoid entering a relationship with someone who has no intention of being faithful.
What is a Serial Cheater?
A serial cheater is someone who engages in repeated acts of infidelity across multiple relationships or even within the same one.
Unlike someone who cheats once due to poor judgment, a serial cheater’s actions are habitual and often come with a sense of entitlement, lack of remorse, or even a thrill from the deception itself.
Dr. Frank Pittman, a psychiatrist and expert in infidelity, explains in his book Private Lies: Infidelity and the Betrayal of Intimacy that serial cheaters often see fidelity as a restriction rather than a commitment.
They engage in affairs not out of love, but out of compulsion, a need for validation, or even as a form of power play.
Signs of a Serial Cheater
1. They Have a History of Cheating
One of the clearest signs of a serial cheater is a past filled with infidelity.
If they have repeatedly cheated on former partners, there’s a high chance they’ll do it again.
Example: If someone casually admits that all their past relationships ended because they “messed up,” it’s a red flag. Serial cheaters often downplay their cheating and shift the blame onto their exes.
2. They Are Extremely Charming—Almost Too Perfect at First
Serial cheaters are experts at love bombing—showering you with excessive affection, attention, and grand gestures early on.
They do this to establish deep emotional control before their real patterns emerge.
Example: A man who showers his partner with gifts and constant compliments in the first few months but suddenly becomes distant and secretive later on may be exhibiting classic serial cheating behavior.
3. They Lie Easily and Without Guilt
A serial cheater doesn’t hesitate when lying. They can fabricate elaborate stories on the spot and show no signs of guilt.
Real-life insight: Dr. Robert Feldman, a psychologist and author of The Liar in Your Life, found that people who habitually lie develop neural pathways that make deception easier over time. This explains why serial cheaters can lie so effortlessly.
4. They Are Overly Protective of Their Phone
Modern infidelity often leaves digital traces. Serial cheaters guard their phones like their lives depend on it—setting passwords, hiding notifications, and even taking their phone to the bathroom.
Example: If your partner panics when you glance at their phone screen or always tilts their screen away from you, they might be hiding something.
5. They Gaslight You When You Question Them
Gaslighting is a manipulation tactic where the cheater makes you doubt your reality. If you confront them, they might accuse you of being insecure or crazy.
Example: If you ask, “Why do you always delete your messages?” and they respond with, “Wow, I can’t believe you don’t trust me,” that’s a classic gaslighting move.
6. They Have a Strong Need for Validation
Serial cheaters often cheat not because they’re unhappy in their relationships, but because they crave validation from multiple people.
Psychological insight: Dr. Shirley Glass, a psychologist who studied infidelity for over 25 years, found that serial cheaters often have low self-esteem masked by arrogance.
They constantly need external reassurance of their desirability.
7. They Have a Pattern of Flirting with Everyone
Serial cheaters struggle to keep boundaries. They flirt excessively, sometimes even in front of their partners.
Example: If your partner constantly engages in suggestive conversations with coworkers or strangers, this could be a sign that they seek constant validation.
8. They Are Never Fully Present in the Relationship
A serial cheater is always emotionally one foot out the door. They may avoid deep emotional intimacy because they’re already seeking their next thrill.
Example: If they seem detached or avoid discussing future plans, they might be keeping their options open.
9. They Blame Their Actions on External Factors
Serial cheaters rarely take responsibility. They blame their cheating on stress, alcohol, or even their partner’s behavior.
Example: “I wouldn’t have cheated if you gave me more attention” is a classic excuse used to shift blame onto the victim.
Can a Serial Cheater Change?
Change is possible, but it’s rare. A serial cheater must recognize their behavior, understand why they cheat, and actively work on changing their mindset.
However, most serial cheaters don’t see their actions as wrong—they rationalize their behavior instead of taking accountability.
When Can Change Happen?
- Therapy: Long-term therapy focused on understanding their patterns and childhood influences.
- Radical Transparency: If they willingly disclose their actions, remove secrecy, and work on trust.
- Self-Driven Desire to Change: They need to want change for themselves, not just to save a relationship.
Why Most Serial Cheaters Don’t Change
- They enjoy the thrill of deception.
- They don’t believe they’re doing anything wrong.
- They lack the emotional depth required for deep commitment.
Should You Stay With a Serial Cheater?
If you’ve identified these signs of a serial cheater in your partner, it’s time to ask yourself a difficult question—are you willing to stay in a cycle of deception?
While everyone deserves love and commitment, you also deserve honesty, loyalty, and emotional security.
Most serial cheaters don’t stop cheating unless they truly hit rock bottom and make a conscious decision to change. Unfortunately, that rarely happens. You can’t fix someone who doesn’t see a problem with their behavior.
If you recognize these signs in your partner, the best thing you can do for yourself is walk away before the cycle repeats.
Your peace, self-worth, and emotional well-being are far more valuable than chasing a love that is built on lies.
