This guide breaks down exactly how to make friends as an adult, backed by psychology and real-world strategies.
Whether you’re in a new city, out of touch with old friends, or simply looking to expand your social circle, this guide will show you how to make friends as an adult in a way that feels natural, rewarding, and completely doable.
How to Make Friends as an Adult?
Making friends as an adult is entirely possible, and it’s something you can take control of, no matter where you are in life. The common belief that forming deep, meaningful friendships is reserved for childhood or college years is not true.
Adult friendships require intention, effort, and a willingness to step outside of your comfort zone, but they are well within reach.
Dr. Marisa Franco, a psychologist and friendship expert, explains in her book Platonic that adult friendships thrive on repeated, unplanned interactions and shared vulnerability.
If you create opportunities for these two factors in your life, friendships will naturally follow.
1. Shift Your Mindset: Friendships Are Built, Not Found
One of the biggest misconceptions about friendships is that they happen naturally. This belief prevents many adults from taking an active role in creating connections.
In reality, friendships are built through repeated interactions and mutual investment.
Dr. Franco’s research shows that adults who believe friendships require effort are more successful in forming lasting bonds.
If you wait for friendships to happen, you’ll likely feel lonely. But when you start seeing it as a process you control, you begin to take actions that lead to meaningful relationships.
Instead of assuming that new acquaintances aren’t interested in deep friendships, remind yourself that many people are open to making friends—they’re just waiting for someone to take the first step.
2. Be Open About Wanting Friends
Admitting that you want more friends isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a reflection of emotional intelligence.
Dr. Franco calls this the “liking gap”—people assume others aren’t as interested in them as they actually are.
The fix? Be proactive. Let people know you enjoy their company and would like to see them again.
If you meet someone at a gathering and have a good conversation, don’t hesitate to say, “I really enjoyed talking to you. Let’s grab coffee next week.”
Most people will appreciate the invitation.
3. Regularly Put Yourself in Social Situations
Opportunities for friendship don’t come from staying home. You have to be in spaces where potential friends are present.
The more frequently you show up in the same social settings, the more familiar you become to others, which naturally leads to deeper connections.
If you join a weekly workout class or attend the same book club every month, you increase the chances of forming connections. People will start recognizing you, making conversations easier and more natural.
4. Find Shared Interests to Create a Natural Bond
Common interests form the foundation of strong friendships.
Instead of looking for people first and then figuring out what to do together, flip the approach. Find an activity you genuinely enjoy, and friendships will form naturally from there.
If you love hiking, join a local hiking group. Over time, the shared experience of conquering trails together will deepen your relationships.
5. Follow Up and Take Initiative
Friendships don’t grow without nurturing. Waiting for others to make the first move is a mistake.
If you meet someone and have a good connection, send a follow-up message. Invite them to an event, ask them how their week is going, or check in about something they mentioned during your last conversation.
If someone tells you they’re preparing for an important presentation, message them a day before and say, “Good luck with your presentation tomorrow! You’ll do great.”
Small acts of thoughtfulness go a long way.
6. Reconnect With Old Friends
You don’t always need to make new friends—sometimes, reviving old friendships is the easiest path. Life gets busy, and friendships naturally fade when effort isn’t maintained.
If you’re thinking about an old friend, chances are they’d be happy to hear from you. A simple message saying, “I was just thinking about you! How have you been?” can restart a friendship instantly.
Reach out to a former coworker or college friend and ask if they’d like to catch up over coffee. You already have a shared history, making it easier to pick up where you left off.
7. Be Vulnerable: Friendships Require Emotional Openness
Surface-level interactions don’t create deep friendships. Being open about your struggles and emotions allows others to do the same, creating deeper bonds.
This doesn’t mean oversharing with strangers, but gradually opening up as trust builds.
If someone asks how your week is going, instead of the automatic “Good,” share something real. “It’s been a bit stressful at work, but I’m managing.” This invites connection and authenticity.
8. Maintain Friendships by Being Consistent
Adult friendships don’t thrive on grand gestures—they grow through small, consistent actions. When you consistently reach out and invest time in a friendship, the other person is more likely to do the same.
Friendships require maintenance. If someone is always the one making plans, take your turn. If you don’t hear from a friend for a while, check in instead of assuming they’ve lost interest.
Set reminders to send a quick “Hey, how are you?” message to your friends every few weeks. Small efforts keep relationships alive.
9. Accept That Not Every Friendship Will Be Deep
Not every friend needs to be a best friend, and that’s okay. Most people have a few very close friends and a larger group of casual friends. Both types are valuable.
Being too focused on finding deep connections can lead to disappointment. Instead, embrace different levels of friendship and enjoy relationships for what they are.
A coworker might never become a lifelong best friend, but regular friendly conversations at work still add value to your life.
How to make new friends as an adult isn’t about waiting for the right people to appear—it’s about creating opportunities, showing up consistently, and being open to connection.
Adult friendships grow from shared experiences, small acts of kindness, and a willingness to take initiative.
