This guide on how to let go of resentment reveals the exact steps to release the weight of old wounds.
Resentment is a heavy burden, and carrying it around poisons your peace of mind. It makes you relive past hurts, keeps you emotionally tied to people who wronged you, and prevents you from fully experiencing joy. Letting go isn’t about excusing what happened—it’s about choosing to free yourself. Here’s exactly how to let go of resentment and reclaim your inner peace.
How to Let Go of Resentment
1. Acknowledge What You Feel Without Justifying It
Resentment is often fueled by the belief that if you let it go, you are minimizing the pain someone caused you.
That’s not true.
You don’t need to justify why you feel hurt—your feelings are valid.
For instance, if a friend betrayed you, admit to yourself, I feel betrayed. It hurt me deeply.
That’s it.
Don’t overanalyze it, and don’t feed the story with justifications like, I should feel this way because they were supposed to be loyal. Just sit with the raw emotion.
2. Understand That Holding Onto Resentment Doesn’t Change the Past
Resentment keeps you emotionally stuck in an event that already happened. The anger feels justified, but what does it actually accomplish? You may be waiting for the other person to feel guilty, apologize, or make things right—but they may never do that.
Dr. Fred Luskin, author of Forgive for Good, explains, “When you hold onto resentment, you hand over your emotional well-being to the person who hurt you. You let them control your thoughts and feelings long after the event has passed.”
Think about someone who wronged you. Is your resentment making them suffer? No. But it is affecting your mood, your relationships, and even your health.
3. Recognize the Cost of Carrying Resentment
Resentment isn’t just an emotional weight—it manifests physically too. Studies published in the Journal of Behavioral Medicine show that prolonged resentment is linked to higher cortisol levels, increased blood pressure, and a weakened immune system. In short, it’s damaging you in ways you may not even realize.
4. Separate the Person from Their Actions
People hurt others because of their own limitations, pain, or ignorance—not because you deserved it. When you separate the person from their actions, it becomes easier to let go.
Dr. Harriet Lerner, a clinical psychologist and author of The Dance of Anger, suggests asking,
What must this person have been going through to act this way? This doesn’t excuse their behavior, but it helps you see their actions as a reflection of them, not you.
For example, if your parent was emotionally unavailable, they might have been struggling with their own unhealed wounds. If a friend betrayed you, maybe they acted out of fear or insecurity.
Seeing people’s flaws doesn’t mean you tolerate mistreatment—it means you stop taking their actions personally.
5. Decide What You Want Moving Forward
Do you want to stay in the past, reliving the same pain? Or do you want to move forward and make room for better experiences? The choice is yours.
A study from Stanford University’s Forgiveness Project found that people who made a conscious decision to let go of resentment reported higher levels of happiness, better relationships, and improved mental well-being.
Think of it like this: If you’re holding onto resentment with both hands, you have no space to grab onto something better.
Set your focus on what you do want—peace, joy, meaningful relationships—and align your energy with that.
6. Express Your Resentment in a Constructive Way
Resentment needs an outlet, but not all expressions of anger are productive. Instead of venting endlessly or lashing out, find a healthy way to release it.
- Write a letter to the person who hurt you (without sending it). Get everything out.
- Talk to a therapist or a trusted friend who won’t just fuel your anger.
- Engage in physical movement—exercise, dance, punch a pillow—anything that helps your body process the emotion.
Studies in Psychosomatic Medicine show that journaling about painful experiences reduces stress and improves emotional clarity. Try writing out your feelings daily until the weight of resentment begins to lift.
7. Reframe the Experience as a Lesson
Every painful experience carries a lesson. Instead of focusing on why something happened to you, ask what it taught you.
Dr. Wayne Dyer, a renowned self-development author, put it perfectly: “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”
8. Choose Forgiveness for Yourself, Not for Them
Forgiveness doesn’t mean you excuse the person—it means you release yourself from their control. It’s not about them. It’s about your peace.
Dr. Everett Worthington, a leading forgiveness researcher, developed the REACH Model for forgiveness:
- Recall the hurt (without exaggerating or suppressing it).
- Empathize with the person (acknowledge their humanity, even if you disagree with their actions).
- Altruistic gift (forgive because you deserve peace, not because they deserve it).
- Commit to forgiving (write it down, say it aloud, make it real).
- Hold onto forgiveness (remind yourself why you let go, especially when old feelings resurface).
So, how to let go of resentment? At the end of the day, you are the one who gets to decide whether resentment continues to steal your energy. Letting go isn’t about forgetting—it’s about choosing freedom. And that freedom is something you control, not the person who hurt you.
Start with just one step from this list, and keep going. Your peace is worth it.
