Struggling with how to get someone mental help when they refuse? Here are empathetic, actionable approaches.
How to get someone mental help when they refuse can feel like walking a tightrope—you want to help without pushing too hard. This guide is here to give you clarity, offering expert-backed approaches to support your loved one in a way that feels genuine.
How to Get Someone Mental Help When They Refuse?
Supporting someone who refuses mental health help can feel daunting, but there are ways to approach this challenge effectively. Many people resist getting help due to stigma, fear, or simply not recognizing they need it.
1. Understand Why They Refuse Help
When someone resists mental health support, it’s often because of an underlying reason they may not have voiced. Perhaps they fear being judged, don’t trust medical professionals, or think they’ll be labeled negatively.
To navigate this resistance, try starting a conversation. Let them know you’re genuinely interested in understanding how they’re feeling without pushing them toward therapy right away.
For example, saying, “I notice you’ve been feeling down, and I’m here if you want to talk,” shows you care without making them feel pressured.
2. Normalize the Idea of Seeking Help
Mental health stigma is prevalent, and many people worry they’ll be judged for seeking help. Mentioning examples of well-known public figures who’ve sought mental health support can ease this discomfort.
For instance, if you know they admire someone like Dwayne Johnson, who has openly discussed his struggles with depression, share this story.
This can subtly reinforce that mental health challenges affect everyone and that seeking help is a proactive step rather than a sign of weakness.
Instead of suggesting therapy outright, try, “Therapy is like a mental workout—it’s a space to strengthen your mind, and it can be incredibly rewarding.”
3. Show Consistent Support Without Pushing
People often resist help when they feel pressured. Consistent, non-judgmental support is powerful because it builds trust without forcing the issue. Rather than constantly suggesting they seek help, make it known that you’re there for them in the long term.
Being present can be as simple as checking in regularly or spending time together without an agenda. This stability can create a safe environment where they feel open to discussing mental health.
If, for instance, your friend is struggling, instead of saying, “You need therapy,” you could say, “I’m here to listen whenever you’re ready.” This lets them know help is available without making them feel they’re doing something wrong by not immediately accepting it.
4. Encourage Small Steps Toward Self-Care
Encouraging small acts of self-care, like going for a walk, can lay the foundation for more extensive mental health support. Suggest activities like journaling, exercising, or meditating as ways to start addressing their mental health on their terms.
For example, if your loved one enjoys music, you might suggest they start a playlist of songs that lift their mood. This doesn’t immediately solve their problems, but it shows that taking small actions can make a difference.
5. Offer Practical Help
Sometimes, practical barriers stop people from seeking help. They might not know where to start, feel overwhelmed by the process, or worry about the cost. Offer to research options with them or find a therapist who specializes in their needs.
You might say, “I know it can be overwhelming to find the right help. I’m happy to sit down with you and look at some options together.” This approach not only provides them with options but also shows them they’re not alone in taking that first step.
6. Focus on Behavioral Changes Rather Than Diagnoses
Using terms like “depression” or “anxiety” might feel confrontational or intimidating. Instead, focus on their behavior or emotions. For instance, rather than saying, “You seem depressed,” you could say, “I’ve noticed you haven’t seemed yourself lately.”
This keeps the conversation neutral and more likely to be received positively.
For example, saying, “I’ve noticed you’ve been quiet lately—is there something on your mind?” can lead to a more open conversation than naming a specific diagnosis.
7. Involve Other Supportive People
If you’re struggling to reach them alone, involving others who they trust can make a difference. Sometimes, people feel more understood when they hear similar concerns from multiple loved ones.
However, approach this carefully—make sure it doesn’t feel like an “intervention” but rather a caring expression of support.
Suppose they have a close sibling who shares your concerns. The two of you might invite them to a casual outing where they feel supported. A supportive circle can help them feel cared for and more open to help.
8. Suggest Online Resources as a Starting Point
For some people, the idea of therapy feels like a significant leap. Suggesting online resources, like reputable mental health blogs, TED Talks, or even books on mental health, can introduce them to the idea in a non-threatening way.
This approach can give them a sense of control, allowing them to learn at their own pace.
For instance, the book Maybe You Should Talk to Someone by Lori Gottlieb explores the real-life challenges of therapy in an accessible way. Suggesting it might plant the idea of therapy without feeling invasive.
9. Lead by Example
Sometimes, showing someone that you value mental health can inspire them to do the same. Sharing your own experiences—without making it about yourself—can break down walls.
For instance, you might say, “I was skeptical about therapy too, but talking to someone made me feel lighter. It was surprising how much it helped me.”
This example keeps the focus on you, which might make them more receptive to trying therapy without feeling pressured.
10. Remind Them of Their Worth
Mental health challenges often leave people feeling unworthy or hopeless. A powerful way to reach someone is by reminding them of their strengths and accomplishments. Let them know you believe in their ability to overcome challenges.
You could say, “You’re one of the strongest people I know. I believe you have what it takes to feel better, and I’ll be here every step of the way.”
Small reminders like this can gradually shift their mindset and encourage them to consider getting help.
11. Avoid Minimizing Their Feelings
Sometimes, people avoid getting help because they feel misunderstood. Avoid statements like “It’s not that bad” or “You’ll get over it.” Instead, validate their feelings.
For example, saying, “I can’t imagine how hard this is, but I’m here to support you,” can make them feel understood.
This validation is often the first step toward making them feel safe enough to open up and consider help.
12. Respect Their Autonomy While Being Firm
While it’s essential to offer support, ultimately, they need to make the decision themselves. Respecting their autonomy while being firm in your concern can create a sense of trust.
You might say, “I understand that you want to handle this on your own, but if things get overwhelming, I’ll be here to support you, no matter what.”
So, how to get someone mental help when they refuse? Helping someone seek mental health support when they resist requires patience, compassion, and consistent, non-judgmental support.
By understanding their concerns, normalizing mental health care, and showing them genuine care, you can encourage them to consider help on their own terms.
