How to Forgive Someone Who Hurt You isn’t about forgetting—it’s about breaking free from the weight of resentment.
How to Forgive Someone Who Hurt You is not about excusing their actions—it’s about choosing your own peace over the weight of resentment.
How to Forgive Someone Who Hurt You?
Forgiving someone who hurt you is one of the hardest things you will ever do, but it is also one of the most freeing. Holding onto resentment keeps you trapped in the pain of the past, while forgiveness allows you to move forward.
It is not about condoning the wrong or forgetting what happened—it is about choosing peace over pain.
1. Understand What Forgiveness Truly Means
Forgiveness is not about excusing the person’s behavior or letting them back into your life with no boundaries. It is a decision to release the emotional grip that resentment and anger have on you.
Dr. Robert Enright, a psychologist who pioneered research on forgiveness, explains, “People, when they forgive, do not excuse or forget. Instead, they offer goodness to the person who hurt them while still holding them accountable.”
Think of forgiveness as an emotional detox. Just as your body struggles when overloaded with toxins, your mind and heart suffer when carrying anger.
Choosing to forgive means choosing to stop reliving the pain every day.
2. Acknowledge the Pain Without Letting It Define You
You were hurt, and that hurt is valid. Ignoring your emotions does not make them disappear—it only buries them deeper.
Dr. Fred Luskin, a Stanford University researcher on forgiveness, states, “People think that holding onto resentment protects them, but all it does is keep the wound fresh. Healing starts when you acknowledge the pain, feel it, and then choose to move past it.”
Take time to process what happened. Write it down, talk to a trusted friend, or even seek therapy. The goal is not to dwell on the pain but to confront it so that it loses its power over you.
3. Separate the Person from Their Actions
People are more than their worst mistakes. This does not mean you have to excuse their behavior, but recognizing that humans are flawed can help you find a path to forgiveness.
Dr. Everett Worthington, a clinical psychologist who specializes in forgiveness, emphasizes, “We all act out of our own wounds and limitations. When we see people as broken rather than evil, forgiveness becomes more possible.”
Think about what might have led to their behavior. Were they acting out of their own pain? Were they repeating patterns they never healed from?
This does not justify their actions, but it can make forgiveness feel less impossible.
4. Let Go of the Need for an Apology
One of the biggest obstacles to forgiveness is waiting for an apology that may never come. Holding out for someone to acknowledge their wrongdoing keeps you stuck.
Dr. Harriet Lerner, a psychologist and expert on relationships, explains, “An apology is nice, but it’s not necessary for forgiveness. The most important part of forgiveness is deciding that your well-being matters more than their regret.”
Do not give someone else the power to determine when you can move on. Choose to forgive whether or not they ever express remorse.
5. Set Boundaries Without Guilt
Forgiveness does not mean allowing someone to hurt you again. Setting boundaries is a crucial part of the process.
Dr. Nedra Glover Tawwab, a licensed therapist and boundaries expert, emphasizes, “Forgiveness and boundaries go hand in hand. You can forgive someone and still choose to limit or eliminate their presence in your life.”
If someone repeatedly disrespects you, you have every right to protect yourself. Forgiveness is about releasing anger, not about granting unlimited access to your life.
6. Take Your Power Back
Forgiveness is an act of self-empowerment. Holding onto resentment allows the person who hurt you to occupy space in your mind.
Dr. Wayne Dyer, a renowned self-help author, said, “When you forgive, you change the past’s impact on you. It no longer controls your present.”
Imagine carrying a heavy backpack filled with resentment, anger, and pain. Every day, that weight slows you down. Choosing to forgive is like taking off that backpack and deciding to walk freely.
7. Choose Forgiveness Daily
Forgiveness is not a one-time event; it is a daily decision. Some days, the resentment might creep back in. When that happens, remind yourself why you chose forgiveness in the first place.
Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky, a psychologist known for her research on happiness, found that “forgiving people experience lower stress levels, better mental health, and overall greater life satisfaction.”
The more you practice forgiveness, the easier it becomes.
Before you learn how to forgive someone who hurt you, do note that forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.
It does not mean forgetting, it does not mean excusing, and it does not mean allowing someone back into your life without boundaries.
It means choosing to release the weight of resentment and reclaiming your peace.
