Doomscrolling is frying your nervous system and feeding your trauma like a Vegas slot machine. This no-bullshit guide dives into the dark psychology behind it.

Let’s just call this what it is: a fucking fantasy. You, sitting there with your 3 AM Google queries — “How to start an open relationship,” “Is polyamory healthy,” “Will I lose my partner if I say yes?” — hoping for a soft landing into a world that requires more emotional maturity than most people walking this planet. You want the pleasure without the pain. The freedom without the fuckery. The adventure without the emotional hangover. And baby, that’s not how this game works.

I’m not here to gatekeep polyamory, non-monogamy, or open love — but let me be the therapist who finally tells you the goddamn truth: if you haven’t done the inner work to manage jealousy, communicate without passive-aggressive bullshit, and sit with your own emotional triggers without running like Forrest Gump, you’re not ready.

Let me say that again for the couples in the back pretending they’re “sexually evolved” when they’re just trying to avoid the real intimacy that monogamy forces you to face. You think letting your partner fuck someone else will fix your boredom? Try using your words first.

Hollywood Made It Hot. TikTok Made It Trendy. Therapy Will Make It Humbling.

Remember when “Friends” tried to pretend Ross and Rachel were “on a break” and it turned into a whole fucking scandal? That wasn’t an open relationship. That was emotional incompetence wrapped in denial. A true open dynamic isn’t about loopholes. It’s about full-blown radical honesty.

Let’s talk logistics: You don’t get to open the relationship without opening the emotional vault. That means talking about:

• Your attachment style
• Your fear of abandonment
• Your need for control
• Your unresolved mommy/daddy issues

Because when your partner comes back smelling like someone else’s perfume, you better be able to self-regulate like a goddamn monk.

Dr. Elisabeth Sheff, leading academic researcher on polyamory, wrote in her book The Polyamorists Next Door that successful open relationships require more emotional labor, not less. “The depth of communication needed is significantly higher than in monogamous partnerships. Those who avoid difficult emotions are unlikely to thrive in such settings.”

Translation: If you can’t even tell your partner you felt hurt when they interrupted you at dinner, you’re not fucking ready for non-monogamy.

Jealousy Isn’t the Problem. It’s Your Lack of Emotional Literacy.

You think jealousy means you’re broken. No. Jealousy is a neon sign pointing to where your inner child is panicking. It’s that five-year-old in you screaming, “Please don’t leave me.” And instead of soothing them, you project it all on your partner, demanding they shrink their joy to protect your ego.

Want to be in an open relationship? Learn to sit with your jealousy without weaponizing it. Journal. Breathe. Go to therapy. For fuck’s sake, stop expecting your partner to be your emotional babysitter.

If You’re Doing It to Save the Relationship, It’s Already Dead.

You don’t go open to avoid a breakup. That’s like throwing gasoline on a fire because the flames looked cold. I’ve seen it. You’ve seen it. That desperate last-ditch idea couples get when the intimacy’s already in the ICU. Instead of working through their resentment, they slap on a throuple fantasy thinking it’ll reawaken desire.

Newsflash: If you need external excitement to feel alive in your relationship, you’re not dealing with monotony. You’re dealing with emotional starvation.

Stop Googling “Open Relationship Rules” When You Haven’t Mastered Basic Communication.

Like when she asks, “How was your date?” and you lie because you think protecting her feelings means hiding the truth. Or when he says, “I’m okay,” and you don’t dig deeper because you’re terrified of emotional confrontation. That shit will blow up in your face.

Open love is not the beginner level. It’s not what you do when you’re too lazy to fix your monogamy. It’s what you do when you’ve transcended ownership, fear, and co-dependency.

You Don’t Want an Open Relationship. You Want Permission to Avoid Vulnerability.

Real talk. Most of you googling “open relationships” are doing it from a place of avoidance, not expansion. You’re not trying to grow; you’re trying to escape. The moment shit gets hard in monogamy, you fantasize about polyamory like it’s a spa day. But what you’re actually craving is emotional sovereignty, not sexual liberation.

And you don’t get that from more partners.
You get that from fucking healing.

Real Life Example? Alright. Here’s Mine.

I once dated a woman who thought she was ready for polyamory. She said all the right things. “Love isn’t limited,” “I want us both to be free,” yada yada. Then I actually did go on a date, and she spiraled. Suddenly it was “Why her? Was she prettier than me? Did you kiss her like you kiss me?”

It wasn’t polyamory that broke us. It was her unhealed shit. Her fragile ego. Her fear of being left. Her need to be the center of someone’s universe.

And I wasn’t much better. I used “openness” to avoid true emotional intimacy with one person. I wanted options because I was scared of being fully seen by one.

So if you’re really curious about open relationships, do this first:

• Go to therapy.
• Learn your attachment style.
• Get radically honest about why you want this.

Talk about it before you start dating other people.

Expect breakdowns. Cry. Scream. Hold space.

Communicate like it’s your second fucking job.

Because this isn’t an orgy. It’s emotional surgery. With no anesthesia.

The Truth? Polyamory Isn’t Trending Because We’re All So Evolved.

It’s trending because monogamy has exposed how few people know how to hold long-term intimacy. Because we weren’t taught. Because we’re trauma-trained to equate love with enmeshment. And instead of healing that, we’re trying to bypass it with novelty.

So the next time you’re tempted to ask Google, “Is an open relationship right for me?” — ask yourself this instead:

“Do I even know how to hold myself when I’m not getting what I want?”

If the answer is no, you don’t need an open relationship.
You need a mirror.

And maybe a fucking therapist.